Preexisting Disadvantages and Reacting to Failure

This is an excerpt chapter from the 2020 Metaphysician’s Guidebook, a 400-page companion guidebook that is included with your custom order of the 2020 Metaphysician’s Day Planner.

If you want to get inspired by someone’s success story to see what tips you might be able to pick up from that individual’s path to success, do not look at the positive steps that led to the success–

Look to how people respond to failure.

When experiencing failure, most people treat it as a personal injury. They attribute their failure to something inadequate in themselves. They take the failure as a sign that they truly aren’t good enough, aren’t worthy.

When I experience failure, I never assume it’s due to my own inadequacy. Instead, I view it rather objectively.

Clearly I did something wrong. I made a misstep. I didn’t exert enough force. I underestimated my opponent. All I have to do is try again but next time, without that misstep.

I don’t experience shame or a reduction of self-worth when I’ve failed. Instead, I think rather matter-of-factly, “Well, I won’t do it that way again!”

I attribute it entirely to an error in judgment—and never to any form of personal lacking.

Maybe that’s egotistical and presumptuous of me, but all through my life that has helped me create my own reality. There’s this tacit doesn’t-need-to-be-said-aloud given in my life—I deserve the best. So I am never fearful, nervous, or insecure about pursuing the best. I have never shortchanged myself in terms of what I feel entitled to, because at that unspoken innate root of me, I just know I’m destined for the best.

In no way am I saying that I actually am destined for the best, or that I always get the best, or that I am anywhere close to being the best. But the subjective, totally personal reality I’ve created for myself positions me positively, in a way that allows me to be fearless, and to shoot for the stars.

Overcoming nurture can be the biggest challenge for many, however.

Maybe all throughout your life you were told you aren’t good enough, that you’re inadequate, or that you’re less-than.

Maybe you were born from a place of disadvantage, so you’ve always had to run twice as fast as everyone around you just to catch up, and if you aren’t running twice as fast as everyone around you, then you’ll never catch up.

No, that’s not fair. But it’s life. It’s what you were handed and you can either deal with it and therefore overcome those disadvantages or you can dwell on the disadvantages and let that slow you down. Remember: you have to run twice as fast as everyone else just to catch up, so dwelling on the injustice is not going to help matters.

Here’s how I’ve always looked at my own life: I see all the people ahead of me in the race and then I look at the finish line far, far up ahead. I grit my teeth and say, what the hell, I deserve to be number one. So I dig in and I make it happen. I need to run faster just to catch up and then I need to keep on running fast to surpass.

And you know what? Maybe I don’t end up number one. Maybe I end up number two or number three. Hey, that’s still great in my book, considering how preexisting disadvantages and past failures had me positioned to finish last.

A recipe for failure is you see all the people ahead of you, you notice how some folks cheated, some folks have all these advantages you totally did not have, and that’s why they’re all ahead of you. Then as you run—and you are not picking up speed either—you’re whining to yourself about how unfair it is that so-and-so cheated, or so-and-so is so lucky to be born with all the traits and blessings positioned for success, all these gifts that you don’t have, were never given. Friend, thinking these thoughts while you run is slowing you way, way down. You are exhausting your very, very precious energy to whine, which definitely takes energy by the way, instead of directing that energy to fueling your advancement.

Agreed, it’s not fair at all, but you don’t even stand a chance of surpassing those born more advantaged than you if you don’t start picking up your pace. And I promise you that negative thinking will only slow you down.

You have to run twice as fast as everybody else just to be seen as equal and then three times as fast if you want to win.

Fairness doesn’t matter. You are going to have to just deal with the reality and figure out how you are going to run three times as fast.

I’ve observed how some folks will blame others when they’ve failed, or blame environmental or social conditions. “I didn’t achieve what I wanted because this-and-that was to blame. If this-and-that had not happened, I would have achieved my goal.”

Blaming others or blaming conditions you’ve been thrust in—even when it’s an accurate and fair account of what’s happening to you—emphasizes your powerlessness. You’re basically admitting that so-and-so individuals or forces are more powerful than you. I would never think that way because—remember—I think I’m the best, and I think I deserve the best.

I don’t blame others or blame conditions when I fail or miss my mark, because even if others or conditions were part of what kept me from success, it’s only because I wasn’t smarter, wasn’t quicker, or wasn’t more powerful. All that means is next time I go to bat, I better be smarter, quicker, more powerful, and I need to be better prepared.

See the difference there?

For someone like me, do social conditions like racism and sexism sometimes play in to what keeps me down? Yes. Of course. But I never dwell on that, not when I’m focused on personal success.

Sure, I’ll dwell on it when I’m writing up political commentary, but not when I’m thinking about me.

I operate from this ambitious and idealistic belief that if I’m truly smart enough, quick enough, and my contributions are unequivocal, my power can overcome any racism or sexism latent in the other.

Is that always true? Of course not. I’m not that big of an idiot.

However, I stick to my operating belief and at least more times than not, I can make it true.

Also, when I said I’m “entitled” to achieve the best, I don’t mean I deserve to be handed that status, that others ought to give it to me; I mean that I possess everything I could possibly need within me already to be the best or I have the smarts, the wit, and the capability to acquire what it is I need to become the best.

If you can at least start from that attitude, then you are already positioning yourself for success.

The rare few who succeed at escaping the socioeconomic cycle of poverty are people who figure out how to run three times as fast as everybody else, especially those who were born at an advantage well above them. To escape the cycle of poverty, you have to be scrappy. You can’t be just as good as everybody else; you’ve got to be better, twice as better, maybe three times as good. Heck, Sun Tzu says don’t even bother waging war unless you’re five times better than your opponent.

When you fail—especially when you fail because of conditions beyond your control—you need to assess the strength of your opponent (and oftentimes that “opponent” is a social condition, a circumstance you’re thrust in) and work with the assets you do have in more resourceful ways.

I want to make clear that there’s a distinction between what approach to adopt for the self and what approach on a governmental, ruling level to adopt for society.

We are not talking about politics and policy here. Government needs to implement regulations to create a society where everyone has equal opportunity and an equal fighting chance. We also want to encourage a culture that is open-minded, welcoming, and does not exclude or marginalize anyone.

When you are in a position of influence where you can actually create societal and cultural change, then yes, you need to talk about inequalities and take measures to rectify those inequalities. While we might not ever realistically eradicate inequity, to be human and humane means you have to still try.

Rather, what I am talking about here is the individual, and what an individual must do when you’re thrust into a preexisting disadvantage.

When you have failed, assess why you failed—you can wax poetic about the injustices later, but for now, you just need to identify exactly what happened to you—and then calculate exactly how much force you need to exert to overcome that opponent, or that obstacle. And then do everything you can, draw upon every resource, mundane and magical, to make that happen.

Finally, let’s talk about how to react if and when you don’t achieve the goals you set for yourself for 2020.

Look. I’ll just tell you right now: the chances of you achieving all the goals you’ve set for yourself by the year’s end is not high.

And to be honest, if you do achieve all the goals you’ve set, then you didn’t set high enough goals. So you still failed, because see, you failed to aspire. You failed at understanding your own high potential.

About 50% of the goals I set for myself each and every year, I fail at. Either I just didn’t quite make it or I never even got around to it at all.

However, I don’t dwell in shame or disappointment. Whether or not I meet my goals does not have any impact on my sense of self-worth. And that’s because I reflect on the ways I’ve enriched my year and assess the ways I redirected my energies.

Maybe you couldn’t achieve those ambitious milestones because you chose your family over yourself. You devoted your time to family. That’s noble and rather than thinking about that with negativity, think about what positive things it says about your values and character.

Perhaps your goal was income and prosperity related. You had aimed to earn a certain dollar amount for the year, but you didn’t meet that income goal. Why not?

First, never settle with the excuse that circumstances were beyond your control. Here’s the thing. Even when that’s the ugly truth, I never allow myself to use that excuse. Sure, circumstances could have made achieving prosperity hard for any average person, but remember: I’m no average person! Neither are you! You’re extraordinary, and you really do have to start with that fundamental belief in yourself. You are extraordinary, so there’s no excuse.

If you run your own small business, maybe it’s marketing and branding; you don’t have enough public exposure. How can you increase your brand recognition going forward? Maybe there’s something you can improve about the product or service you offer—it’s not unique enough. How can you go back to the drawing board and make it more unique, more appealing? There are a lot of really great nonfiction books by Ivy League educated experts on branding, marketing, or even how to go viral, so maybe your action item to yourself is to get those audio books and listen to them.

If you want to guarantee that you will be a success story, then first you need to examine how you react to failure. You need to know how to fail.

For starters, frame the failure correctly: you failed because of one certain or maybe, at worst, a couple of missteps.

Had you not taken those missteps, you would have succeeded. In other words, failure does not reflect your capabilities, talents, or intelligence. You literally made a boo-boo you shouldn’t have made and so next time, all you’ve got to do is be better than you were last time and not make that boo-boo. That connects to the other aspect of how to fail: accepting responsibility for having made that boo-boo.

Never accept that you weren’t good enough. Never accept that it “wasn’t meant to be” and give up (though there are most certainly instances where you realize something wasn’t meant for you because you don’t want it and therefore you redirect your path). Never accept that extenuating circumstances were too overwhelming; you simply failed to exert enough force to overcome those extenuating circumstances!

Even when major extenuating circumstances and big-blow forces are stacked against you, even when everyone you’re competing against have all these advantages and privileges that you don’t, even if someone has cheated, take responsibility, even if it’s expressed in almost a ludicrous way.

For example, you failed because you weren’t better than the guy who cheated. You should have been even better than him while he was cheating.

Sounds ludicrous? Well. I’m just sharing with you my mentality. That’s how I think. That’s how I process extenuating circumstances and failures.

Instead of framing the situation as, “No fair! He cheated! Of course he won,” I frame it as, “Man, I failed because I didn’t bring it hard enough to outperform cheaters. I know I’m so good I can even outperform cheaters, but that one time, darn it, I didn’t bring my ‘A’ game. So he won.”

I say that with the caveat that you need to maintain a balanced perspective. Don’t beat yourself over it either. Accept responsibility, sure, but there is no need for self-flagellation.

Finally, the most important point: after you take responsibility for where you fell short, you actually need to do something about it.

You need to change. You need to adapt.

You know you need to change strategy or attitude, but can you actually make it happen?

The difference between those who consistently fail time and time again and those who achieve success is the ability to adapt.

The Metaphysician’s Day Planner is structured and outfitted specifically to inspire your positive changes and your ability to adapt.

Order the 2020 Metaphysician’s Day Planner Today

The $25 custom order of the 2020 Metaphysician’s Day Planner is a digital file PDF product only. Click on the link above for more information. It is a custom order because it includes your natal chart (in Whole Signs, not Placidus) and 2020 solar returns chart (please note disclosure on chart construction method for the solar returns). Your name as you would like it to appear will also be featured on the first interior page. You’ll also get to choose from dozens of different cover designs.

Three size options are available: Trade Paperback, US Letter, and A4 European.

Included with your Day Planner order is the 400-page PDF of the Metaphysician’s Guidebook, which you can order a print copy through a third-party print-on-demand service.

For $30 (just an additional $5), you’ll also get the digital files for the SKT Vitruvian Mini tarot deck. The files include a video tutorial to demonstrate how you can print the files, then cut and assemble your own miniature tarot deck, two-piece box, and even a little white booklet.

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9 thoughts on “Preexisting Disadvantages and Reacting to Failure

  1. Sally

    Damn girl! I love this! Another generous share. Thank you for giving us these pearls. I am continually lifted up by your thoughts and good will. XO

    Like

  2. Great Point! I’ve read somewhere successful people are those who don’t give up after failure but learn from their mistakes & keep trying until they reach their goal!^^ also positive thinking Always Better then whining as brain respond to what you’re thinking by producing adequate hormones!?x,x same goes for blame you totally nailed it doesn’t make a difference & you bring some great tips with that *idealistic/maybe idiot me lol & how to Overcome differences & see disadvantage as extra kick to be better! lol p.s Sun Tzu on my to read list forever!;D lol omf! this is where I also get mini skt!?!xD can’t wait to have these printed!xD lol added to my basket & waiting my paycheck!^^ Big Thank You ! Now I Expect 2020 to be Great indeed & to finish at least my forever in progress Tarot!^^ facepalm lol

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sharon

    Thank you! I’m going to print this out, and possibly frame it.
    I’m always looking for reasons to stay small…
    I have to be honest with you and say that I was a bit triggered when you said in your “About Me” page that Tarot is your side job.
    Perhaps that is how you’ve chosen it to be; maybe your true passion is Law. But it appears that a lot of the people who run Tarot websites are the same – very few seem to have made it a full-time concern.
    I do want to escape my povvo (poor person) life, and Tarot is my thing that I’m aiming for, but it’s a bit discouraging. I will certainly give it a go, though!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sharon

      I sounded a bit like a Debbie Downer there, and I was… But I’d like to add that I agree, there is a lot more out there that can be done (marketing and so on)… there are a lot of free resources out there and tips. Everything helps. We’ve just got to keep giving things our very best and not give up. So true.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Hi Sharon! May I recommend that you check out Ethony’s work. She does tarot full-time and is a single mom financially supporting her family 100% through the tarot.

      Also check out Theresa Reed, The Tarot Lady. And Christiana Gaudet. Both have risen to prominence from doing tarot full time. Same with Jenna Matlin, of Queen of Wands Tarot. Avalon Cameron, as well, supports her family and lives off-grid, sustaining her livelihood as a full-time witch and cardslinger. 😍🥰

      Liked by 3 people

  4. jamesaltonthomas

    I adore all the ways you allow us each to become better versions or ourselves. No one ever said the work was easy, but any “Reward” worth anything usually has a price that one must pay.
    I can appreciate your framing of FAILURE as I am not one to look at it that way, but this has given me a different perspective in which to see the same scenario. It makes perfect sense of course, though it’s getting past and out of the way of our own selves that brings the greatest reward.
    I appreciate your sharing and allowing space for us to breathe into the idea that “We are Extraordinary” and we all must believe that about ourselves for when we do, it can only lead to greater things.
    Thanks for the AWESOME Pep talk, you always come thru just at the right time.

    Like

  5. Pingback: Order the 2020 Metaphysician’s Day Planner + the DIY SKT Mini Printables – benebell wen

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