Seven Get-To-Know-You-Better Questions

On By benebellIn personal
Photo of us from 2011.

I came upon a TikTok video presenting these seven questions for getting to know someone better and it inspired me to answer these questions in a blog post myself, to share with you a little more about me.

I hope likewise you’ll choose one of the seven questions to answer in the comments section or treat it as a tag and answer all seven on your platform.

I was a college freshman in this photo, 18 years old.

1. What rebellious things did you do as a teenager?

  • I wore mini skirts. (Like a handful of times.)
  • On a few occasions when I was feeling really sassy, I also wore dark lipstick.
  • I was bad at math and science, something I’m sure my math and science wiz of a father was disappointed about.
  • I didn’t get in to any ivy league universities — hey, look, for Asian Americans, that’s considered the penultimate of being bad.
  • In high school I skipped study hall to leave school grounds and went to the public library where I would read books on the occult.

I know, I know, how pitiful and boring. I wracked my brains trying to find something cool or actually badass to say here. Sigh.

2. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I was one of those kids with lots of constantly evolving goals, so it depends on which year and which phase in life you ask this question. In sixth grade I wanted to be an attorney working in the public interest or non-profit sector. In high school I wanted to become an artist. In undergrad I wanted to get an MFA and become a novelist.

3. Tell me about your first car.

Teddy Taurus. The car’s name was Teddy Taurus. It was a silver Ford Taurus. I forget what year, but it was a used car, so a couple years older than the year I got it, which was maybe around 1999?

zomg, such young versions of J and me! ignore J’s grumpy face. he’s an introvert and doesn’t like social outings. that setting was way too many people for his comfort. =P

4. How did you meet your spouse?

Twenty-one years ago I traveled down to NYC for a poetry slam and stayed with one of my sorority sisters. Her cousin James was there. That evening James and I fiercely debated cross-straits geopolitics and then moved on to discussing religion.

I was 28 in this pic! One year into being married, after dating for five years.

We started dating soon after that. When I left New York and came to California for law school, James quit his day trader hedge fund job and followed me out to the San Francisco Bay Area. After I graduated from law school, we got married.

Law school days.

5. What is a dream you’ve let go of?

Becoming a biological mother. In maidenhood I never had dreams of big weddings or wanting to own fancy things, never made vision boards of picket fenced houses, and I’ll note that when it came to career or professional goals, I didn’t “dream,” I just did. I would decide on something I wanted to achieve and then plot out a step by step plan to get it, and then went for it. If I failed, I would run a post-mortem and decide whether I wanted to try again or pivot, and then just did.

But I did have daydreams of motherhood. I had this weirdly confident opinion that I would be a fantastic mother. When I come upon a parenting scenario, I often reflect on how I would handle the situation as a parent.

If it was 100% up to me, I would foster and/or adopt. I even have daydreams of fostering and adopting children. But sadly, neither James nor the in-laws are supportive of that. And since that would need to be a collective unanimous decision, I’m outnumbered.

Still under 30 in this pic. There’s me with Prince Marshall Rimbaud the Great. That really was his everyday resting face.

6. What is something that always brings you joy?

Lots of somethings bring me joy! In fact, almost everything people might generally consider fun will be something that brings me joy. Good food. Nature. Kittens and puppies. The scent of old books. Rain. Trinkets and baubles. Stationary. Family and friends. Getting pampered at the spa. Massages. Bubble baths. Acts of kindness.

I forget how much photo quality has improved over the decades! My two sisters and me, waaay back in the day.

7. What do you want your legacy to be?

Most people want the hard work they did while alive to have a meaningful and positive impact on future generations to come. I’m no different. I hope the things I’ve dedicated my life to will be around for posterity, and someone long after I’m gone will still find it to be of use and benefit.

I also hope to have helped soften.

Older generations commonly gripe about the younger generation being too soft, but as I see it, a softened younger generation means that the older generation did something right. And so I hope the work I’ve done enables the generations to come to have it easier, that I’ve helped empower them to be softer. Softness is not a bad thing. Let’s not confuse softness with breaking.

Lift as you climb. I didn’t come up with that line. I heard it somewhere and it made quite the impression. It’s a good motto. That’s what I hope my legacy will be — that wherever I have gained access, I’ve in turn made sure that those who also want such opportunities of access will get it. Wouldn’t we all like some company at the top? Yeah, so lift as you climb.

Present Day, May 2024

I’d like to get to know you better! Choose one of the seven questions to answer in the comments section below. Or answer all seven. Or do this tag on your own platform and drop us a link to that content!

31 thoughts on “Seven Get-To-Know-You-Better Questions”

  1. Anonymous

    Hi Benebell! Thank you for doing this! I’ve missed you 😉

    I thought I’d answer two of the questions.

    Where did I grow up: I was fortunate enough to grow up on the beach in Long Beach California. Having the beach and the ocean as my front yard was a gift given to me and my brother by our incredible parents. I was a lucky lucky kid. I dreamed of being a ballerina and an artist. Incredibly, after art school, I went back to school and studied anatomy, physiology, biology and then went in to nursing school. After working the intensive care and coronary care unit and the emergency department, I went back to school again and became a nurse practitioner.

    How did I meet my husband: at work. We worked in separate departments and then in the same department and the same clinical ‘pod’. We shared an office and became friends. We went through divorces together. We shared stories about our kids. Then I was lucky enough to be chosen to learn his speciality. By this time we’d known each other for at least 10 years. At one point he asked me to be his ‘date’ at a golf tournament awards celebration. When we danced, that was it. Suddenly we were more than friends 😉

    lots of love to you and James, Sally

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  2. Pingback: 七個更了解你的問題 – benebell wen - FanFare Holistic Blog

  3. Hi Benebell:

    I’ll have to think about which question I want. Or maybe all seven.

    They all require some thought.

    I’ll put it on your webpage comments.

    By the way I just want to say that your teachings are really awesome.

    I just watched Taoism: A Decolonized Introduction.

    Thanks for everything you do!

    -Sincerely,

    Bao Radcliffe

    >

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  4. Anonymous

    Hello Benebell! Love this sharing.1. I dropped out of high school to get married age 16. Finishing 10th grade only. Was not pregnant. But was soon after. I started working in a hospital at 19 as a nurses aide. One more baby and then a divorce left totally abandoned. I quickly realized I needed to get my GED and go to nursing school on some level. LVN to RN in stages. 21 years in adult critical care and the last 20 in the ER. Was a life long love of nursing. Retired now and I’m turning 74 May 14. I’ve lived my Taurus tarot cards. What a journey! Today I love and practice my spirituality unapologetically. Omnism.
    thank you for being a part of this wild child’s journey. 🙏🏼🕯️

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    1. It’s so interesting to me how many people in the healthcare industry are also into tarot, alternative spirituality paths, etc. Super interesting connection!

      Thank you for sharing– that is one helluva life’s journey! ❤

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  5. Anonymous

    What did you want to be when you grew up?

    Growing up, I never dreamed big. My parents, who came from Mexico, taught me the reality of survival. We didn’t muse about dinner plans at a fancy restaurant, vacation spots or travel. College? That was a foreign concept in a family where a high school diploma was rarely seen.

    By 21, I was married, juggling odd jobs without any real direction. College became a personal challenge, a quest to prove to myself that I could defy expectations. It wasn’t until I was 46 that life threw me a curveball—suddenly, I found myself with a career that opened up the world to me. I traveled to different countries, met fascinating people, and discovered that despite our differences, we’re all fundamentally the same.

    There was no master plan, no grand vision for my life, but somehow, things worked out. Maybe it’s because I had no expectations. I just worked hard, taking life as it came, finding joy wherever I was. Looking back, I can honestly say it’s been an incredible journey, and it keeps getting better. Sometimes, just letting life happen is the best plan of all.

    I’m thankful I never adopted that “conquer the world” mindset—it just wasn’t necessary for me. Now, I find myself in a place many tirelessly strive to reach. 

    GR

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    1. “There was no master plan, no grand vision for my life, but somehow, things worked out. Maybe it’s because I had no expectations.” — That’s so very Taoist of you, lol! ❤

      And that does sound like a truly incredible and inspiring life journey!

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  7. tabithaweber

    Ok so here is one of my answers. What did I want to be when I grew up? A mad scientist when I was young young and a biological scientist when I was older. I’ve accomplished neither and ended up a stay at home mom who spends her days making believe, gardening and baking. I also enjoy falling down occult rabbit holes and playing magic the gathering.

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    1. I really would not mind at all being a stay at home mom! =) I haven’t ever played magic the gathering before, but everyone who’s into it and who knows me says I’d love it! I’ve got to give it a try one of these days!

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      1. tabithaweber

        You’d make a fantastic mom no doubt and I do bet you’d be good at magic the gathering as well. My son turned me into it years ago. So glad he did.

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  8. Anonymous

    1 Wasn’t the rebellious type either. 😉

    5 Well, actually I had to let go any dream I ever had. Whether that concerns the job, love, accommodation or social life. Don’t know where this road is leading now. From the middle of nowhere to another middle of nowhere?

    6 I like a good read. And I’m not getting tired of a walk in nature (especially along the shore). I love to travel, if I could afford it. And I like museums.

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    1. I love travel and museums, too! Also, sometimes “the middle of nowhere” is untrod ground you’ve been guided to so that you can be the pioneer. Or at least maybe that’s one way to look at it. =P Thanks for sharing! I’m 100% the same with what you listed re: what brings you joy!

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  9. Pingback: “You Remind me of the Babe…” (7 Get to Know You Better Questions.) – Saoirse Graves

    1. Exactly! Though I guess it makes for a good “get to know you” question, because it reflects how we personally view rebellion in comparison with societal conventions. =P Loved your blog post btw! Seeing the photographic evolution of you was amazing!

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  11. Anonymous

    Hi Benebell,

    Loved reading your answers!

    I decided to answer the first question: what rebellious things did you do as a teenager? Overall I was not a very rebellious child (despite having an Aquarius sun). I was studious and sensible. I, however, did rebel where it hurt my parents the most. My father, who is now deceased, was a preacher. Everyone at school knew that. One day in high school a teacher said that women were inferior to men, and he felt justified in saying that because it was written in the Bible. I was so outraged (unfortunately I was the only female who was) that I took a Bible right in front of him and stroke through the passage he was referring to – not before telling him what I thought of him and his opinion. Everyone was shocked that the preacher’s daughter would do such a thing.

    Of my siblings, I’m the only one who refused to take Holy Communion. I still haven’t. I told my parents I was not going to stand in church and proclaim something I didn’t believe in. Shortly after I turned 18 I also refused to go to church.

    This was difficult for my parents, but they never forced me to believe something I didn’t want to believe. They didn’t force me to do something I didn’t want to. They even defended me and my decision when anyone in the Christian community dared criticize me. At first they were a bit scared of me but later they became open to listening about what I told about other spiritual traditions I was exploring and my father wanted me to pick out spiritual books for him to read because he liked them.

    I’m not completely forthright about my exploration of the occult, but my mother knows I am interested in it. She still wonders where they went wrong. It wasn’t their fault, past life regressions show I was a priest and even a nun myself (as well as a shaman – and other non-glamorous things). Somewhere along the way (in a previous life) something happened that made me want to explore wider than the protestant religion I was born into could offer.

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    1. That was courageous! And yes, in that context, I’d say it’s pretty rebellious. =) Honoring parental hopes and dreams and balancing that with self-determined paths can be so tough. ❤

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  13. Anonymous

    My life has been very full. A good student, married at 20, two children, back to college for a teaching degree. Thought I would be an English teacher, changed my major to art and taught arts and crafts for 27 years. Sold my work in galleries, taught skiing on weekends, learned to sail in regattas. Became an advocate for my son who was head injured due to being hit by a car. Re-married when I was 38 and have lived in the country with my husband of 45 years. He is 89 now and this year has been a challenge due to our aging and keeping a 3 acre of land home.

    I have studied Buddhism for 10 years as a Tanka painter, Yoga for many more years, Tarot studies and Kabbala presently. I especially appreciate your marvelous tome on Tarot. A full life, a good life with many challenges and rewards.

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  14. My parents considered me rebellious, but honestly, I don’t know why.
    I’ve never owned a car.
    My dream was to be a folk singer. And go to art school. Both dreams abandoned, long ago. But I still make art. That always brings me joy.

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  15. Anonymous

    I also ended up not having any bio children, and now I’m too old. It’s been really hard on my husband and I.

    Fortunately, though, my husband is open to having foster children and adopting. We’ve JUST become approved as foster parents!! I could have a kid show up at my door any day now. I have no idea what the process is 😂 I have a meeting with child placement services on Tuesday and hopefully we’ll get a better idea of the next steps then.

    We don’t really know how our families will feel about it, and we don’t care. It’s what WE want for ourselves. We don’t want to be pushed around by old world thinking. So, we have no idea what the future holds. We have no idea what’s going to happen even within the next month! Next week even!

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  16. #1 My mode of rebellion, peace, chaos, order, and escapism was via my ears: “I am the 蓮” – 张艺兴

    I’ve learn to find myself within songs & art a thousand times over…

    And thank you for creating this post. I appreciate the insight into your life experiences. As to #7 this is perhaps one of the reason I’ve been following the Big 3 question/debate in Hip Hop & Rap with such a close eye and ear as of this year.

    It conveys to myself that fabled question “what weights more upon the soul, a kilogram of feathers or steel?” I’m not sure—but the tiger picture reminds me of that a bit…

    Anyhow Siamés – My Way, has a lovely music video that would likely appeal to the esoteric and occult minded. It would likely go further here with another than kept secluded in my memory & experience alone.

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  17. Anonymous
    1. What rebellious things did you do as a teenager? I will admit I smoked a lot of marijuana. That was a long time ago!
    2. What did you want to be when you grew up? Published writer.
    3. Tell me about your first car. 1976 MG MGB
    4. How did you meet your spouse? I met her through work. Actually I was introduced by my father. She knew my father before she knew me.
    5. What is a dream you’ve let go of? Being a Marine Corps officer. I was a Staff Sergeant. Many years ago!
    6. What is something that always brings you joy? Having lunch with my son on Fridays. He now makes more money than I ever did.
    7. What do you want your legacy to be? Great poet. A great writer but mostly a great poet-

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  18. Hi Benebell:

    What rebellious things did you do as a teenager? I will admit I smoked a lot of marijuana. That was a long time ago! What did you want to be when you grew up? Published writer. Tell me about your first car. 1976 MG MGB How did you meet your spouse? I met her through work. Actually I was introduced by my father. She knew my father before she knew me. What is a dream you’ve let go of? Being a Marine Corps officer. I was a Staff Sergeant. Many years ago! What is something that always brings you joy? Having lunch with my son on Fridays. He now makes more money than I ever did. What do you want your legacy to be? Great poet. A great writer but mostly a great poet-

    Thanks,

    Bao Radcliffe

    >

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  19. Anonymous

    What is your philosophy? I-Ching and Tarot some have said are compatible “equals.” Astrology says only when the stars align do things happen since they are “written.” Human Design actually converges the two; since you have so much experience in each what do you think. Whether you are conservative or not is it allowable “water types understand what I mean.” Maybe an upcoming book/deck?

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  20. Loved seeing your answers! I actually didn’t know how far back your interest in the occult went, that’s seriously cool! I know I got my first like opening into the occult through my mom’s love of astrology and mythology, so I’d read her books or ask her to get those really cool huge hardcover encyclopedias on stuff whenever we’d go to the bookstore on Fridays. I still miss Borders to this day cause of that actually!

    As for the 7 questions…I don’t know which to pick so I’ll just do them all!

    1. I was the most not rebellious “rebellious” teen, so the kinda rebellious things I’d do is skip school/classes to read, get ahead in class, and get more sleep after all nighters. I set county records for absences but still graduated #5 of my class – I just hated the school part of it! I was also tardy often, so I’d get detention regularly, but I’d always skip it since detention was too enjoyable to be a punishment 😂 I DID dye my bangs regularly – they were anything from teal, green, blue, navy, or purple depending on the season!

    2. This changed so often with little reason that I’m not sure what to answer! A quick laundry list includes: a nun, a defense lawyer, a stripper, a fashion designer, a psychiatrist, an artist, some kinda government official, a costume designer, a chemist, and a makeup artist.

    3/4. I avoid driving at all costs & never got married personally. Still hate driving, but I think I’d like to be married one day!

    5. Becoming a fashion designer, truthfully. I’ve sewn enough to know sewing, as a process, doesn’t actually bring me the peace and happiness other things does for me. A lot of what I loved about fashion boils down to styling, appreciating the effort it takes to draft clothing patterns (probably why I collected them for so long 👀), and appreciating that it does bring out a different side of me. I still enjoy the process of creating jewelry, but clothing can be a huge pain. You get tired of getting stabbed by pins after a while if you don’t love it!

    6. Tarot (feels like an obvious answer here lol), cute plushies, walking in the rain, cute shoes, a good story, videogames with great story/characters, good food, and interesting horror games/movies.

    7. In all honesty, the idea of a legacy scares the crap outta me lol. To mark a world of billions with a lingering memory of myself feels intimidating and worrying if that memory is a bad one in the end.

    But, I think, the best legacy I could leave is one where I’m known for furthering someone’s growth or just doing my best to speak the truth when it’s necessary. Maybe just adding a bit of brightness to folk’s lives too. But I’m overall more concerned on whether I live true to myself, and hoping that’s worthy of a legacy, than like actually leaving a real legacy. I also…don’t want to be so prolific that people summon me as a ghost or something tbh 😂

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